NS Girlfriend Guide 101

Dec 3

Plotting your breakup with your soon-to-be bald and absent boyfriend? Girl, don’t do it! Being an NS girlfriend isn’t as bad as it may seem.

You’ve probably heard some tales about the dreadful two years the girlfriends of National Service (NS) recruits have to go through. As an NS girlfriend myself, I’m here to give you advice. Based on firsthand experience, here’s how you can survive these two long years!

Things to prepare yourself for

1. Less time together

Depending on his Physical Employment Standard (PES), his book out days may differ. My boyfriend books out every Friday and books in every Sunday night, so I’ll only be able to see him on Saturdays — even then, sometimes he gets called back. This means our weekly Saturday dates aren’t even guaranteed!

2. Grey Ticks

Your boyfriend will be so busy with training that he won’t be able to reply to your texts until Admin Time. Some days, I won’t get any response from my boyfriend thanks to late-night training, or the side chick known as “Outfield”.

3. Unpredictable Schedules

Expect last-minute date cancellations. Sometimes, my boyfriend and I make plans way ahead of time, but the Boyfriend Bermuda Triangle (Pulau Tekong) may drag him back for additional training, duties or outfield.

4. Being Oceans Apart

Depending on your boyfriend’s PES status and vocation, he might even train overseas. Some recruits only have to go for two weeks, but my boyfriend had to be away for a whole month. To top it off, he missed my entire birthday month. Yay, love that for me. 🥲🥲

This all sounds horrible… but trust me, it’s not as bad as it sounds!

What should you do?

It took me a while to adjust to this new lifestyle. Before NS, my boyfriend and I met two to three times a week. But after he enlisted (and went bald), we rarely met or even texted. It threw me off at first, but over time, I learnt to appreciate the little time that we get to spend together. It’s better than not getting to spend time together at all. Our moments together become more special and memorable as he takes time out of his busy, tiring schedule just to see me.

Of course, it’s sad that I can't see him whenever I like, but trying to understand is the least I can do. So, if I can do it, you can too! Here’s what I did to survive this period of our relationship and what I’ve seen others do. Give these a shot!

1. Spend more time with yourself and your loved ones

Instead of sulking in the corner just because your boyfriend is busy serving the nation, try taking this time to go on a solo date, have a self-care night or hang out with family and friends. Go shopping, explore new places, pick up a new hobby or even a job. It’s not the end of the world, girl. You’ll survive not seeing him just for a while. Time will go by really fast when you’re having fun distracting yourself!

2. Scheduled messages

If you’re the kind of girlfriend who needs constant reassurance, you can ask him to schedule messages for you. At least you’ll have something from him to look forward to each day!

3. Small updates

Speaking of messages, you can always update him on stuff that you are doing. Just because he’s away and won’t text you as much, doesn’t mean he won't read your message when he’s back. Odds are, he’s thinking about you just as much as you’re thinking about him, even when he’s kilometres deep in a jungle. I always update my boyfriend even though he is busy training, just so he can feel included in my life.

4. Expectations & Understanding

Lower your expectations and try your best to understand him. It won’t be the same as how it was before NS. He’ll be extremely busy with training, leaving him exhausted and needing rest whenever he can get it. Try not to expect frequent meetups and don’t lash out at him when he suddenly cancels date plans because his “Encik” wants a “candlelight dinner" with him in camp. Even though he’s earning money in the army, it’s really not much, so don’t expect fancy dates every week!

5. Be there for his milestones and book-out dates

His Passing Out Parade (POP) and his Operationally Ready Date (ORD) are huge moments. Seeing your man march out in uniform before you reunite is worth every grey tick. Get him a personalised bouquet, cake, or a cute gift basket! I got mine a bouquet with an adorable capybara plush and he loved it. If you like him picking you up, trust me — he’ll love it even more if you show up at his book-out.

What matters most is for both parties to communicate and compromise. It’s going to be a difficult two years for your relationship, but if both of you put in the effort, you guys will come out stronger than ever. All the best!

Nadya Shaheera